momentous MOTHERHOOD

“I found out some big news today. I guess I should have suspected it with how I’ve been feeling lately. The nature of my current relationship also suggested it. But never mind that. Honestly, I’m so nervous to say the words aloud. As if saying them makes it all the more real. But we both know that’s not how it works. So here goes…

I’m pregnant. There it is. Plain as day in black and white. I took a test; well, I took three actually. I don’t think I’m ready for this. What do I know about being a mother? I’m not sure I have what it takes…whatever that is. But here I am. Sitting on my patio, thoughts swaying back and forth like a swing on the edge of a cliff. Joy and fear pushing against each other.

This all feels overwhelming. Questions flood my mind: How will I manage the responsibilities? Will I be able to give this new life everything they will need? Can I really be the person this child deserves? The weight of it all feels heavy. I find myself staring at the clouds, hoping for clarity. But I worry.

I want to run away. Every instinct in me yearns to hide from the truth. But this truth is now part of my life. Deep down, I know retreating won’t solve anything. Writing you this letter feels like a step in the right direction. I need to share these thoughts, if only to lift some of the burden from my shoulders.

As I write these words, I’m hoping for…hope, I guess. I don’t know what lies ahead but I do know that I want to be a good mother. I want to embrace this challenge rather than shy away from it.

Please help.”

Over ten years ago, I wrote this letter to myself. Or maybe I wrote it to God. I’m not exactly sure who I was writing to at the time. The letter sat in my journal without the intention of being sent.

I needed to share my fears with someone.

I needed to gather my thoughts.

I needed to get them out of my head and onto paper.

I look back now, at the young woman behind those words, and I’d like to reassure her. I would sit beside her and hold her hand. I would allow her to cry.

I would lean in to tell her that while motherhood may seem daunting, it also holds unparalleled joy.

I would tell her that motherhood will be more beautiful and exciting than she can possibly imagine. There will be laughter that heals, quiet moments that fill her heart with warmth, and milestones that will make her burst with pride. I would also share that, at times, life as a mother will be more exhausting and confusing than ever before. There will be sleepless nights, unpredictable tantrums, and endless questions that seem to have no real answers. But through the chaos, bonds will strengthen, and love will deepen in ways she never knew possible.

I would explain that this journey will be more soul-molding

than anything else in her life.

Every challenge faced and every joy experienced will shape her in ways that are profound and lasting. She will discover reservoirs of strength within herself that she never knew existed, and with each new day, she will learn and grow alongside her children.

I would tell her to choose faith over fear.

Again, and again, and again.

Reminding her that fear can paralyze, but faith can empower. Trust in herself and in the love that surrounds her. Trust in God and a plan bigger than she can envision. Encourage her to embrace the unknown with an open heart, knowing that she will not only survive the hurdles but thrive through them, emerging as a person transformed by the miracle of motherhood.

I would give her this advice:

Choose your company wisely.

Love your child endlessly.

Pray for them diligently.

Give them your time.

Never lose hope.

And remember that you matter.

Motherhood matters.