Raising a boy to become a strong gentleman seems nearly impossible these days. It might even be thought of as silly to raise your son as a gentleman. This is especially true during a time when boys are encouraged to be anything but that. We’re seeing more and more little boys grow up to be anxious, apathetic, lost big boys who have no idea of what “adulting” actually entails – much less the motivation to find out.
Our boys’ attention is pulled in countless directions from the moment they open their eyes. From screens to friends, video games to sports, hobbies to adventures – not to mention their innate yearning to learn about the world around them. We know we play a vital role as their mother. However, are we truly equipped to be the mom our son(s) need?
There are key choices we can consistently make to help guide our boys.
First off, let’s discuss strong gentleman. A strong gentleman is a man who most often acts with wisdom and honor while being able to withstand pressures of life, be that mental, emotional or physical pressures. He is someone who is able to listen to, communicate with and respect others while not being easily swayed by worry and opinion. He is not afraid to seek help and guidance from other trustworthy people in his life.
Any young boy has the chance to grow into a man of this type of character, no matter their origin. However, the truth is, it’s much more challenging for them without the meaningful influence of their mother.
Don’t think of this as a weight for you to bear but as a gift for you to mold.
Deep breath, mama. We’ve got this.
Being a meaningful influence in your son’s life doesn’t happen overnight and it certainly won’t always be easy – although sometimes it’s as simple as saying ‘thank you’ for that tiny wildflower he just picked for you.
Wise Choices for Boy Moms
- Learn how to show your love
- Remember, he might outgrow you but he’ll never outgrow your love. Get to know your boy and what makes him feel loved by you, his mom. (think: his love language). He may want to hear you say ‘I love you, son’ or he may prefer a post-it note on his door. He may want to play toy cars or prefer a walk outside together. His needs will change as he grows but he will always need your love. Your job is to hone in on how to best communicate that love at different stages of his life.
- Remain firm but fair
- Your son needs you to set boundaries for him, at all stages of life, until he’s out on his own. Even then, he’ll probably seek your counsel at times and having boundaries will often be helpful for you both. Teach manners and model mature behavior. Allow him to take age-appropriate risks and learn consequences. Don’t be afraid to limit and moderate screen time – this is extremely important in today’s world!
- Talk with him – not just to him
- Your son is brilliant in more ways than one. Learn from him. Listen earnestly and practice having conversation with him from an early age. I’m not saying you have to love every interest your son has, that’s not possible or realistic. But you can listen and try to understand why his mind is drawn toward specific interests. You will then be better equipped to guide him based on his innate gifts and your own wisdom. As he grows from little boy to mature young man, the conversations will change but the hope is that he’ll always feel like he can come to you to talk.
- Educate yourself
- Example is EVERYTHING, so set a good one. There are countless ways to learn and grow as a mother and many resources are specifically geared toward mothering boys. Books, blogs, podcasts, conferences and small groups are all options. Don’t take just any advice though – use discernment when seeking counsel. Some books we love are That’s My Son by Rick Johnson, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, How to Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish (the teen edition as well, by the same authors), and Let Me Hold You Longer by Karen Kingsbury (a picture book for mother and son).
momentous MOTHERHOOD 
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